I have always experienced nightmares and otherwise unsettling dreams when facing challenging situations or dealing with personalities that trigger my PTSD. This week has been especially difficult. I knew I was feeling unsettled. I knew I was feeling a bit insecure. I kept telling myself the thing that usually helps me get past irrational fears and reactions. “I know it’s irrational. But, it is how I feel.” Then, I started to dream.
When the dreams begin, I usually know I am not being irrational. I am actually being triggered by a real situation that needs to be addressed. Either I need to get out of a relationship or I need to get some distance and support for dealing with the relationship. I have a wonderful husband who can help me evaluate the situation and this is working quite well. I have been dreaming about people in my life who have treated me in very passive-aggressive abusive ways. Twice this week the dreams were of the individuals trying to kill me. Once, another individual was just berating me. I want to cry all day when this happens. But, I didn’t cry. I sucked it up. Today, I took my power back and hit back hard. I stood up like the T.W.I.S.T.E.D*. Sister that I am and in my own way said, “I’m not gonna take it anymore!” It felt so good! Am I still angry and a bit shaky? Yep! But, I am determined to keep taking back my power one day at a time. I am fighting the good fight. I am resisting the desire to lash out and destroy my perceived abuser(s). (Verbally, of course.) Maybe one day I will be able to deal with this personality type without my triggers igniting. But, for now, my protection is in my dreams. ~ Lisa ~
*T.W.I.S.T.E.D. is an acronym I am using in my upcoming book.
